Can we all just agree right now that New Year's Eve is the stupidest holiday ever invented? I mean, even Valentine's Day is more exciting. Then at least you can make little hearts out of doilies, and eat a lot of chocolate without feeling guilty. On New Year's Eve there is nothing to make or do - you are just supposed to "celebrate." But celebrate what? The beginning of winter? The end of the holidays? the reprisal of your diet? the departure of your in-laws? (Now that's worth a few fireworks...)
Tonight while sitting diligently through a "festive" dinner, I went through my mind to remember some of my "New Year Highlights", or should I say, "Lowlights"? I list them here for your perusal, in no particular order. For no reason except that I remember them and feel like dragging them out one more time - if only to remind myself why next year I should stay home and watch a movie and eat popcorn (which is exactly what I wanted to do this year, but got pulled into "celebrating.").
-- Well, there was that time in Spain when I almost choked to death trying to eat the obligatory 12 grapes at midnight - one grape for each strike of the clock bell. (Who thinks up these rituals anyway? Obsessive compulsives?) Later the man I was with got violently ill (probably from eating the grapes), threw up everywhere, and passed out. Happy Frickin' New Year!
-- Then there was another time, in high school, when I ended up on a couch making out with someone that I not only didn't like, but absolutely hated. Go figure. I think I may have been drinking Frangelico liqueur that night.
-- Oh, and let's not forget the time I slipped on ice and broke my elbow, while wearing ballerina slippers on a subzero New England night (yes, I was young and foolish then, and my mother told me to wear more sensible shoes, and she was right). Actually, that wasn't a New Year's Eve, but it felt so crappy - and ended so badly - that it could have been.
And there were others....they all blur together. Mostly what I remember about New Year's Eve is feeling cold and tired, being drunk but not happy-drunk, looking desperately for fun in various places and mostly finding stragglers like me looking for the same thing, and finally wanting only to go home. And then - oh joy! - waiting for a taxi, or a bus, or some way to get back that doesn't involve walking for miles and miles (though I've done that too).
I would say that I'm going to boycott New Year's Eve next year - but I say that every year. And every year I give it one more chance. If New Year's Eve was a person, I should have broken up with him a long time ago. This is a completely dysfunctional relationship.
(Note: I do not include Chinese New Year in this diatribe - because Chinese New Year makes so much more sense! Seasonally, it is closer to spring, and there are pretty fruit blossoms and interesting things to do and eat and a parade you can watch without wading through snow - usually, anyway.)
2 comments:
Oh, Caroline, I'm crying with laughter at this! You really have to write a book! A few years ago, I chose to 'celebrate' NYE in quiet, which means, I'm usually asleep at midnight, LOL! But this means I can get up early in the quiet since everyone is hung over. I love walking the dogs early on NYD!
I like that we were in a cabin in the snow this year (Last year I was just home worrying about Erik at a party, and waiting, then he and his friend came home and yelled at drunks walking by outside, LOL)...we DID eat popcorn and watch a movie! There is always that pressure to have FUN...even Erik, at 15, felt it and was feeling bad that all his friends back home were OUT having FUN.
I'm glad I can at least elicit some laughs from my experience - it makes me feel like it wasn't all a total waste! And believe me, there are way more stories, funnier and juicier, but I think some of them will have to wait to be written when I'm too old to be embarassed anymore (or too old to care about getting sued!).
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