New Year's Peeve

Can we all just agree right now that New Year's Eve is the stupidest holiday ever invented? I mean, even Valentine's Day is more exciting. Then at least you can make little hearts out of doilies, and eat a lot of chocolate without feeling guilty. On New Year's Eve there is nothing to make or do - you are just supposed to "celebrate." But celebrate what? The beginning of winter? The end of the holidays? the reprisal of your diet? the departure of your in-laws? (Now that's worth a few fireworks...)

Tonight while sitting diligently through a "festive" dinner, I went through my mind to remember some of my "New Year Highlights", or should I say, "Lowlights"? I list them here for your perusal, in no particular order. For no reason except that I remember them and feel like dragging them out one more time - if only to remind myself why next year I should stay home and watch a movie and eat popcorn (which is exactly what I wanted to do this year, but got pulled into "celebrating.").

-- Well, there was that time in Spain when I almost choked to death trying to eat the obligatory 12 grapes at midnight - one grape for each strike of the clock bell. (Who thinks up these rituals anyway? Obsessive compulsives?) Later the man I was with got violently ill (probably from eating the grapes), threw up everywhere, and passed out. Happy Frickin' New Year!

-- Then there was another time, in high school, when I ended up on a couch making out with someone that I not only didn't like, but absolutely hated. Go figure. I think I may have been drinking Frangelico liqueur that night.

-- Oh, and let's not forget the time I slipped on ice and broke my elbow, while wearing ballerina slippers on a subzero New England night (yes, I was young and foolish then, and my mother told me to wear more sensible shoes, and she was right). Actually, that wasn't a New Year's Eve, but it felt so crappy - and ended so badly - that it could have been.

And there were others....they all blur together. Mostly what I remember about New Year's Eve is feeling cold and tired, being drunk but not happy-drunk, looking desperately for fun in various places and mostly finding stragglers like me looking for the same thing, and finally wanting only to go home. And then - oh joy! - waiting for a taxi, or a bus, or some way to get back that doesn't involve walking for miles and miles (though I've done that too).

I would say that I'm going to boycott New Year's Eve next year - but I say that every year. And every year I give it one more chance. If New Year's Eve was a person, I should have broken up with him a long time ago. This is a completely dysfunctional relationship.

(Note: I do not include Chinese New Year in this diatribe - because Chinese New Year makes so much more sense! Seasonally, it is closer to spring, and there are pretty fruit blossoms and interesting things to do and eat and a parade you can watch without wading through snow - usually, anyway.)

Resolutions for Les Autres

My whole life I've tried to be a good person, and every single new year's I make a list of yet more things to improve on, get better at, be better at, etc etc.

Lately I've been thinking. This whole self-improvement, self-actualization thing has been exhausting, expensive, and overall a big waste of time.

I don't need to change another thing about myself. I'm fine the way I am - and anyway, did making resolutions for myself ever really change anything?

So I'm committed to making resolutions now only for other people. People, who, unlike me, really DO need to change. Here are some .

Stop killing eachother. I won't say which people in which countries I'm directing that to, but I think you can think of a few right off the top of your head. Listen, there are a lot of folks in my life who have pissed me off big time, as well as ripped me off, and even done physical harm to me and people I love. That doesn't mean that i have to KILL them. Solve your problems and grow up!

Stop hurting eachother. Again, this can apply to governments as well as individuals. Stop torturing, stop abusing, stop being MEAN to eachother. See a counselor, talk to the UN, talk to your priest, rabbi, spiritual leader, DEAL with it!

Stop consuming so much - OK, this applies to me too. But still. I am not living in a 10,000 square foot house with 10 bathrooms, driving a Hummer, or flying around in a private jet. Go get some therapy if your life feels empty. Plant a garden. Or start a blog!

Somerville Miscellany

Today i'm posting leftover photos from 2008...this and that, here and there, above and beyond and in between the cracks.

These are from a walk sometime in December before the snowfall: 1) a window of collectibles, 2) cool vintage car with xmas tree, and 3) some characters from the "Jingle Bell Road Race" - an event we didn't participate in but caught the end of, while walking the dog.

More posts to follow (first I have to shovel some snow).

Night Trees in November

Worst Creche in the World!

This creche is outside a parochial school which I walk by every day. I'm not religious, nor am I advocating for any particular religion, but I have to ask what kind of message does it send to kids to have your religion's holy figures portrayed as blow-up dolls? And cheap, flimsy ones at that? Maybe this sort of creche would be OK in another climate, but here in New England it verges on the ridiculous. If I was religious, I would be deeply offended to see my school's creche buried like so much trash under the snow every other week, not to mention constantly blown around by wind (in this photo it looks more like a nativity scene on a raft, to be honest). Two thousand years of religious art, cathedrals, stained glass, and now this? Ladies and gentlemen, the separation of church and art is now official.

Ice Ice Baby!

Icicles are another byproduct of winter that I had forgotten in my long absence from the chilly northeast.

One morning after the first snowfall they just appeared, both delighting and frightening me with their cold pointy tips. I amused myself on a walk thinking up names for them, until it got too cold and I had to duck into a coffeehouse to get warm.

Here are some names - can you think of others? (This could be a fun game to play when the power goes out.)

Jellyfish popsicles.
Fragile daggers.
Frigid hair. (Bonus pun!)
Icy knifey. (ok, that one is bad.)

French Impressionists in Winter?

I see this house every day outside my bedroom window, but it wasn't until it was covered with snow that I thought of Gustave Caillebotte and his famous painting of snowy rooftops. It's something about the windows. There is another French Impressionist painting that this reminds me of, but I haven't figured out yet which one it is. If you find it, let me know!

A Tale of Two Snowmen

One, deflated and flat, lying in the gutter. The other, bright and shiny, glowing in the coldest weather with arms outstretched. What makes one snowman survive and thrive, and the other one
fall so easily?

Frozen Trees

This was before the big snowstorm. The ice was just a warm-up, if you will.

Make Like a Tree

Autumn leaves. Yes, it does. It leaves to make way for winter. Winter couldn't come if the trees didn't shake their colors off to make room for snow instead. But I was so in love with autumn this year that I actually felt a bolt of depression when the last leaf fell. I feared that I would grow resentful of winter, and its leafless, more barren landscape, and end up wishing I lived somewhere where the leaves stayed neatly on the trees, thank you very much.

But I forgot about the negative space! The negative space which is in art and in life, and which plays off the "positive" space - like empty space in music or taking a breath between words. The wonderful patterns that branches make when they don't have leaves, the worlds of shapes that live between the branches and the sky. Not to mention the shadows, oh the delightful shadows! How could I have forgotten this?

A friend reminded me recently - as I was lamenting my inability to get going on several projects (including, oh, earning an income again) - that winter is not a time for growing, for starting new things. It's a time for drawing inwards, holding onto what one already has. Then I found a note I wrote to myself (when? on a bus? in a doctor's office? i couldn't remember), that said basically the same thing: "Don't do more. Do more with what you have."

I can't think of a better sentiment to start the winter season with, especially this particular winter season. Hence my return to this blog after a brief absence. Yes, I have time on my hands, and yes, I'd rather be blogging right now than buying Christmas presents for people who don't need another single "thing" (ever, for the rest of their lives - I certainly don't) - except, maybe, that most elusive non-thing, the negative space, the space between the branches - or should I simply call it - breathing room?

Tree Shadows

Song for the Bleak Midwinter

I miss singing Christmas carols. One of the most wonderful things about my childhood was that there was always music, at home, school, or at friends' houses. Someone was always playing piano and singing, especially at holidays. I realize now that this is not the norm for everyone - and if I want carols in my life now, I will have to seek them out. People are not out "wassailing" as they are in Dickens novels or old MGM films - or perhaps they are, on Beacon Hill or some toney area of Boston, but they certainly aren't in Somerville.

I will also have to purchase a piano at some point, which seems rather daunting to my debt-riddled budget, but I shouldn't let cost get in the way. After all, during one of the bleakest financial moments of my childhood, I remember my mother went out and bought a piano for 10 dollars - yes, 10 dollars (in 1972) - at a yard sale. It was an old upright (what brand? i don't remember), and completely out of tune, which didn't seem to stop any of us from banging on it and singing our little hearts out (we were most likely out of tune ourselves, after all).

Anyway, this was one of my favorite Christmas carols that I sang growing up. Not exactly cheerful - and it gets rotely religious after this first verse - but it has a melancholy, indeed doleful, quality to it that always pierced through my bones. And I love the phrase, Snow on snow, because that's exactly what it feels like to look outside while it is snowing: snow on snow on snow on snow, like an endless loop of white.


In the bleak midwinter
Frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on Snow,
In the bleak midwinter,
Long ago.

Preparing for Turkey Day

Fall is such a busy time. The season changes so quickly - and so beautifully - that I feel an almost urgent need to see and do everything I can to savor its richness while I can. My "harvest" this year (because I'm not a farmer - yet) has been lots of and lots of photos and little paintings of fall-like things: gourds, pumpkins, maple leaves, etc (and, as you can see, the Bell's seasoning packet - a package I've loved since childhood). There are still about two dozen things waiting to be painted on the assembly line (more gourds, more pumpkins, apples, etc). How will I possibly do them all with everything else I want to be doing at the same time - namely, cooking cozy stews at home, making a fire, walking through the woods, stringing holiday lights outdoors (to prepare for Christmas!), making pillows for the window seat (oh yes - now I have an urge to SEW for the first time in my life, good grief!), and so on and so on and so on.

And now it's Thankgiving and it's time to stop painting the Bell's seasoning and actually use it in a recipe. Time to turn my creative energies toward home, and the hearth - which I love doing, believe me - it's just that I wish I had two (or three) of me to do it all!

(That, of course, is my inner Martha Stewart talking. Fortunately, my inner Charles Bukowski is there to get her drunk and poetic later on, and forget all this striving-for-perfection holiday nonsense!)

This Life One Leaf

as freedom is a breakfastfood or truth can live with right and wrong or molehills are from mountains made -long enough and just so long will being pay the rent of seem and genius please the talentgang and water most encourage flame as hatracks into peachtrees grow or hopes dance best on bald men's hair and every finger is a toe and any courage is a fear -long enough and just so long will the impure think all things pure and hornets wail by children stung or as the seeing are the blind and robins never welcome spring nor flatfolk prove their world is round nor dingsters die at break of dong and common's rare and millstones float -long enough and just so long tomorrow will not be too late worms are the words but joy's the voice down shall go which and up come who breasts will be breasts and thighs will be thighs deeds cannot dream what dreams can do -time is a tree (this life one leaf) but love is the sky and i am for you just so long and long enough

e.e. cummings

Painting Fall

Wow! The weeks are flying by as fast as the leaves from the trees. This is part of what I've been doing instead of blogging lately. Check out that sexy butternut! Is that a butt or not?

Jesse Jackson

Every time I look at this photo of Jesse Jackson, I start to cry. I voted for him in the presidential primaries in 1988, which seems like 100 years ago now. I can only imagine the mixed emotions he was feeling last night. But what I saw mostly on his face was a deep aching pride, a feeling that the fights he fought were not in vain.

Election Night/Faces in the Crowd

I would have loved to have been in Chicago last night. We had to settle for watching the crowds on television, which was beautiful in itself. Just look at those faces. Something big is happening in this country. I'm glad I moved back in time to be part of it.

Sweetest Hangover!

Remember that song? I think it was from the 70s, a female singer.

"I've got the sweeeetest hangover/
I don't want to get over"

That's how I feel today. Pleasantly hungover and still a little drunk, even. Not from alcohol, but just from pure bliss and relief. My eyes are having trouble reading the good news. I keep tearing up. It is just all too, too much to believe. But it is real. I live in America again! The America I know and love, the one who has been held hostage for the past 8 years. No more apologies, no more pretending I'm Canadian while in Europe. I'm home!

OK, there is still a lot to be done. The battle is hardly won - just look at all the things Bush wants to do before he leaves office (just to insure that Obama's work will be all the harder):

But we won. WE won. The country I know and love, the PEOPLE I know and love, who I always felt I needed to defend while I heard Parisians rail against "les americains" as if we were a nation of aggressive devils. No, no, no, I always wanted to say, MOST of us want peace, MOST of us do NOT agree with Bush and his policies, we've been railroaded by big money and big oil, this is not what we would choose if we had the power!

And now, finally - AT LAST! - we have shown the world just what happens when Americans stand up and fight for a cause they believe in, when ALL of us take to the polls and make our voices heard. I was especially proud last night to see all the young black and brown faces in the crowds on TV, faces that have been exposed to so much bitterness and cynicism - who are now crying and full of joy, full of hope and purpose.

This is truly a transformational moment for America.

And like most real times of change, it was preluded by so much doubt and negativity, so much conviction that "it's not possible." Every step of the way!

Obama can't win against Hillary; he doesn't have enough experience.
WRONG.

Obama can't win against McCain; he won't seem tough enough on foreign policy.
WRONG.

Obama is black, and Americans are too racist to vote for a black man.
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!

The optimist/dreamer in me is so happy to see all of those naysayers proven wrong! On a purely personal level, I feel vindicated, because I have always felt that people are mostly good, not bad, and it's up to our leaders to pull out our innate goodness, our "best selves." Of course it's so much easier to keep people in their comfort or default zones of ignorance and fear, which is what we've seen happen over the last 8 years, with Bush, Cheney et al. That's the easy way to lead. Just keep people apathetic and powerless; make people forget what being a citizen means, what a democracy really is (it isn't what we've had for the last 8 years). What I've loved about Obama from the beginning is his ability to motivate people, to make people WANT to do the right thing, and work harder than they're used to. He demands that we rise to the occasion as citizens of a democracy, that we don't expect our government to run by itself. And he makes us WANT to get involved. It's truly an amazing thing. (Hell, he made me pull my lazy butt out the door to go make calls and knock on doors for him - no politician has ever been able to do that before, even when I liked the candidate!)

On Voting, Ameri-European Relations, Pundits, and "Bamoa"

Oh my god. What a day. What a day!!! I haven't been able to sit still. Have you? I should be teaching aerobics right now, or running in a marathon, or SOMETHING. My house is cleaner than it's been since I moved here. I almost yanked my arm out of its socket sweeping the front porch. I keep telling myself, No matter what happens, at least you'll wake up to a clean house! As if that would be a consolation...!!

But really. Seriously. Did you expect to get to this point? To be on the verge of electing a president who doesn't look like any other president we've ever had, whose name ends with a vowel? To be on the verge of electing someone who actually seems human??

Voting was easy (that seems like ages ago; it was at 10 this morning). As Tom Petty says, "the waiting is the hardest part." But I didn't do much waiting in line, not like what I've been hearing about (though I was surprised at the long line, for such a small voting precinct, and everyone around me commented on how they'd never seen it so long, ever). I certainly didn't have the nightmare of friend/writer/comedienne Jill in New York, who describes her voting day thusly:

"It was exciting at first, but soon it devolved into a long, horrible experience. I had to switch lines 3 times, each time having to move to a danker, hotter part of the school's basement, full of passive skittish elderly women and bossy, obsessive elderly men. It was hot down there and one man was so obese I thought he was going to pass out. I finally thought I was having a nice chat with an elderly voting official, until she said that long lines must be due to that "Bamoa" guy (her tag said she was a democrat for christ sakes!) and then after I pulled the lever and came out of the booth she smiled at me and PUT HER PALM FLAT AGAINST MY STOMACH!! Did she think I was pregnant? Was she wishing me years of good digestion? Did she put a hex on me? I almost pushed her over to get out of there! I want electronic voting!!!"

(LOL....oh Jill, I miss your blog! I hope you will start blogging again, the world needs more of your observations!)

Nerves have seemed a little frayed today, I can certainly attest to that. For instance, I had a ridiculous argument on the way to the polling place with my other half (i.e., hubbie), regarding whether or not our darling young pup should wear an Obama sash (see photo). What should have been a non-issue became a minor transcontinental schism, with me accusing Frenchie of being too "uptight" about the sash (hence, life in general), while he condemned my American tendency to make a party and show about EVERYTHING (well, OK, c'est vrai!), and not giving politics - especially voting - the proper gravitas it demands.

Well, as the kids say (or used to say, the last time I knew any lingo): We were just wiggin'. And I know we aren't the only ones. Emotions are running high! I just saw this in the nytimes - check it out. A sort of wordy mood ring for the electorate. Kind of cool to see the rest of the country's feelings as the countdown continues...

What else? The whole world is watching what's going on in the States right now. That's another thing that is making today feel so exciting, nerve-wracking, important, and all the rest. Here's what a French friend wrote:

J'ai très envie d'être avec vous ce soir, de parler avec vous, bref d'être au coeur de cet événement. En tout cas, je ne vais pas dormir cette nuit et j'espère qu'à 4h, on saura que l'Amérique a voulu se réconcilier avec le monde !!!! même si ça ne change pas grand chose au plan des grandes options politiques, c'est fondamental sur le plan symbolique.

(she's basically saying that she wishes she could be here with us, she won't sleep tonight, and how important this race is for the world, symbolically if nothing else...)

Then there's good old Bob Herbert (god, I LOVE him), who reminds us that voting today is just a tiny sliver of what needs to be accomplished:

"As important as this choice has become, the election is just a small first step. What Americans really have to decide is what kind of country they want.

That decision will require more than casting a vote in one presidential election. It will require a great deal of reflective thought and hard work by a committed citizenry. The great promise of America hinges on a government that works, openly and honestly, for the broad interests of the American people, as opposed to the narrow benefit of the favored, wealthy few.

By all means, vote today. But that is just the first step toward meaningful change."

Bob, I couldn't agree more. There is so much more work to do!

And I have so much more to say. But I'm about to faint from all the excitment. I've superstitiously not looked at any polls yet. And it's after 7 pm! Time to start watching TV and getting sucked into all the sound and fury. Will this be a perfect storm for Obama? As my stepfather Carl just said on the phone, "Even Mother Nature doesn't like John McCain" (the weather is gorgeous here, and supposedly everywhere else along the east coast and midwest).

OMG - the next time I write we'll have a new president!!!!!!!